With the birth of our third girl around the corner, I have been reminiscing about the other two births and wanted to share their stories with you!
These are the stories that I wrote up within the days after each were born… they are raw… they are forever marked in my heart… they are what made me a mother.
Written in 2015 shortly after the birth of our second born:
For the last month of pregnancy, I kept asking Adelyn to wait to make her debut until one of my favorite doctors was on call ( I rotated between 5 ). I kept worrying whether my labor would be longer than Emilia’s or if I’d be able to have an unmedicated birth again. My faith was stretched so much during this pregnancy in so many ways. I had been stressing about where I was going to birth this entire pregnancy, who would deliver, etc. I ended up choosing the same location that I birthed Emilia for a variety of reasons – and I kept doubting myself on whether that was the right choice. ( Spoiler: it was ). I was GBS+ and frustrated about it for sure. I followed the rules, I did the regimen, all of that garlic breath for nothing (haha), but it wasn’t the end of the world.
The last few weeks of pregnancy, the Lord had really worked in my heart in regard to expectations. The best devotional I have ever read and couldn’t have come at a more perfect time in life! I realized that I needed to only have one expectation – to magnify Christ wherever I am and whoever I am with. ( Philippians 1:12-21 ).
Tuesday, Nov 17th:
7:15pm After leaving my dad’s house and joking that Adelyn couldn’t come that night because the doctor I wanted wouldn’t be on call long enough due to shift change at 7:00am .. I sent my doula, Kelly, a text on the way home with an update of “Felt totally normal just a lot of pressure.. but no major changes today..” ( I estimated my labor would be at LEAST 7 hours like Emilia’s and it didn’t seem like anything was happening soon.. so she basically wasn’t allowed to come until Thursday at 7:00am ).
9:30pm As I was getting ready for bed, I looked at a scripture I had taped to my mirror and read it out loud “…and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28). I felt such peace in my heart. I then looked at my (very) pregnant belly and told Adelyn that she can come whenever she was ready. I told her that it didn’t matter who was on call, what type of birth we had, what the story would write, as long as we were both healthy and I could meet her. I told her everything would be ok because God would be glorified through it all. I told her I was ready – whenever she was. I smiled, turned off the light and headed to bed.
Wednesday, Nov 18th:
3:30am *POP* – My eyes shot open I excitedly said “Matt! My water just broke!” I ran to the bathroom ( expecting the floodgates to open like they did with Emilia )… but nothing… NOTHING! Not even a trickle. Oy – I thought: “..ok, good – because the doc I wanted DEFINITELY wouldn’t be on call long enough to del…” then I stopped myself “No, it doesn’t matter who delivers her. God will be there, HE has a plan and my expectation is that He be magnified. -sigh- get it together woman!” Haha. So, I headed back to bed and Matt suggested maybe I had a very intense dream that I thought was real. I kept thinking – no – I KNOW that feeling – it is way too distinct for it to be a dream… but I finally agreed and put my head down to go back to rest.
3:37am I had one INTENSE surge and thought ‘ Well, THAT was different! ‘. Texted Kelly and gave her an update ( with a few other TMI details I will spare you haha )
3:47am ( Still on the phone with Kel ) I let her know I was having a little mild contraction and decided to squat while holding on to the bathtub. Ah, the side of the bathtub ( this ended up being my favorite place, towel on edge of the tub with my forehead planted right on it ) Haha!
3:54am Another mild contraction so decided to go lay down, start timing a few contractions and touch base with Kel in about 10 mins. …
4:16am That lovely instinctive “Hmmmm” started coming forth during contractions but I could still talk through them, so I thought – “Eh. Not even close. My labor with Em was a little under 7 hours from my water breaking to birth… I have plenty of time…” So I sipped on some water, decide to shower, wash hair, etc. ( thinking I’d be able to blow dry, etc. to ‘get ready’ ) HA. PS: That didn’t happen, my hair was wet walking in the ER. LOL …
4:30am Things picked a bit in intensity up and I started becoming super focused but able to talk through contractions. I began to zone out and I remember over and over and over:
Breath in: Lord, I receive what you give.
Breath out: Lord, I give thanks for what you give.
( this later shortened to “I receive, I give thanks” ) LOL
In between contractions:
Thank you, Jesus, may you be glorified through whatever happens tonight. I trust you. I put this in your hands. Thank you.
4:45am At this point Matt started taking over talking to Kel and we decided we needed to head to the hospital since things were clearly picking up and I was GBS+ and I opted to go ahead and receive antibiotics. So Matt called my dad to watch Emilia and began loading the car …
5:15am Dad arrives and we head to the hospital. I grab a banana and water and start snacking/sipping. Things picked up immensely in the car not just in intensity but in frequency it was so surreal … As I go through my texts tonight I read that I texted Kel “ Ctx in a car…. omg!” … haha. I remember right after that The song came on … ‘Brave’ by Bethel … the contractions were on top of each other I hear:
You make me brave
You make me brave
You call me out beyond the shore into the waves
You make me brave
You make me brave
No fear can hinder now the love that made a way
… I think … No fear. No. I have no fear. I am ready. God Thank you, Adelyn, let’s go girl – We are ready.. and talk about your wave after wave… these contractions are really starting to be on top of each other – but Nah, I couldn’t be in transition…
5:30am We arrive at the hospital and I see Kelly. All of the sudden a huge weight – lifted off my shoulders and I truly relaxed. A smile came across my face as we hugged and I looked at her and said: “…. Kel, I can feel her head … she is coming”. She smiled and said, “Are you ready to meet your girl?” Oh yeah. I was so ready. ( Here I am thinking I still had hours to go ).
We go into the ER and suddenly one contraction came and a very informative ‘grunt’ came along with it. My eyes widened and I grinned, looked at Kel and she looked at the lady behind the table… and all I heard was the word “imminent” Oh yeah. This girl was coming soon ( not as soon as I realized though – still thinking I had HOURS of laboring to do ) I saw the wheelchair come and sat down and man…. my birth team RAN! No speed walking there. Haha, they were running.
Triage. Ready to get checked out and as I informed them my water hadn’t even broke – contraction… this time along with the grunt came the feeling of wanting to bear down.. I thought… wait… what?! I get checked… and my mind slipped into a different world as I heard “Oh, you are like 9.75cm, just a lip left” … what? Wait… WHAT? I certainly didn’t FEEL like I was almost complete.. I certainly didn’t feel even like I was at a 6-7.. How? What? Wait.. she’s coming… I’m about to meet her… my second sweet angel and it could be sooner than I think! My mind was racing… ‘Lets go Adelyn, You are doing great girl, God’s got this!’ … then that slow-motion moment happened … God… Yes, Father, you got this.
( Pause story ). The reason this stopped me in my tracks is that it took me a while to push Emilia out, and I was exhausted after not eating all day and having a 6.5-hour labor so when getting close to the 7-hour mark as I made my last push I shouted: “ I GOT THIS ! “… Looking back I giggle at how my mind has changed since I am now a parent of a two-year-old… I love it when I help Emilia do something ( pretty much doing it all ) and she looks at me bright-eyed “MOMMY! I DID IT! LOOK IT! LOOK I DID IT!” I just smile and hug her. That… that was the same attitude I had when I birthed my first sweet girl into the world… “I got this!” ( I can just imagine the Lord smiling similar to how I smile at Emilia when she has those moments ) but the Lord has worked in my heart since then and it was in that moment I realized those changes. Thank you, Jesus, because YOU do have this. ( ok back to the story )
I walked into the delivery room quickly and realized the Dr. I love was on call! (insert all the heart eyes) and thought oh my goodness, he may even be here to catch Adelyn – WOO HOO!
I got checked as they attempted to get a hep lock set up, but ha.. the next contraction informed the entire room that an IV was NOT going to happen… The Dr. pushed her head up a little and bam, (trickle) I found out that not only was I ready to push but my water HAD broken ( I wasn’t insane! That was my water breaking, but little girl was so low she was acting like a cork haha the water just wasn’t able to come out. Let me say – this was God. How? Well, it is my understanding that though my water broke, because it didn’t leak or come out, those waters being around Adelyn kept her safe from any potential GBS issue – there was none of course ). Alrighty. TMI? Maybe, but let’s get real this is a birth story. Oh, and I have to say my FAVORITE question that I’ve ever been asked at a birth came from this doctor: “Alright, how do you want to do this? Squat? All fours? Side?” Um, I just fell even more in love with this Dr. Ha! Anyway – I pushed and was allowed to follow my body, no pressure, no stress, supported perineum, and just letting my body remain calm and do its thing.
I looked at my amazing doula, Kelly, as the infamous burning sensation came through and said “She is doing such a great job, I’m so proud of her” ( I could actually feel Adelyn working her way – yes babies do work too during labor – through the birth canal, it was AMAZING!!! I mean really, AMAZING. ) Kel smiled back and said “YOU are doing a great job, Mama, I’m proud of YOU”. Man, I love that woman…
I looked at Matt and he just smiled and pushed the hair from my face – those eyes – so full of love and gratitude. He put his hand on my shoulder and I gave one more push then looked down and there was her head, it was out! We made eye contact ( yes – sunny side up and only slightly awkward for half a second ) I thought, “Hello there!” Haha – she started looking around as the Dr. got the cord from around her neck… I looked at her and it was slow motion to me, as I realized
I was looking at my child in between two worlds.
I knew this was my last push. She would be on my chest in less than a minute! I laid back and soaked in the little break for a rest that I was given in between the pushing phase contractions. The surge started, I thought: “Here it comes, I feel the contraction rising” .. tears of joy filled my eyes and one good push (6:11am) I reached out and grabbed her, pulling her to my chest.
Oh, Father, THANK YOU. Thank you. My heart was full of so much joy and gratitude…
Matt jokingly looked at me and the clock and said: “Well, that escalated quickly!” Haha, he was right, It sure did.
Though I do say YES – Thank you, Jesus. A whopping 2 hours and 45 minutes from start to finish. Thank you, Jesus. My amazing husband was able to be by my side. Thank you, Jesus. I had my favorite doula – the amazing woman who was there for me as I birthed my first little one and here she was, there for me birthing my second daughter. What an honor. Thank you, Jesus. The doctor I was hoping for was on call. Thank you, Jesus. I had an amazing birth team! Thank you, Jesus. I didn’t have to get even an IV/Hep-Lock ( as a matter of fact, they didn’t even have time to ask me questions – yikes ).
But most of all… Thank you, Jesus, for changing my heart. I was fully prepared for things to not go my way that night…
& although I am glad this birth had gone the way my heart had desired ( actually, it was better than that ) I know that if this birth had gone any different way – still – I would praise Him. I would thank Him – because He is good.
Guys, no matter the outcome, no matter what the journey looks like if things don’t go our way – He is worthy of that praise. Let our only expectation be that HE be magnified through it all.
Praise the Lord, our Adelyn is here and we are all smitten.